1: At last a holiday movie without all that pesky hope and joy. 2: Darkening theaters December 17. 3: Don’t say we didn’t warn you. 4: Mishaps. Mayhem. Misadventures. Oh joy. 5: On December 17, Christmas cheer takes a holiday. 6: Ruinning Christmas December 17. 7: This Holiday, Christmas Cheer takes a break. 8: We’re very concerned
Plot Summary:
Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are three intelligent young children who receive terrible news that their parents have died in a fire and have left them an enormous fortune not to be used until the eldest child is of age. When they are sent to live with Count Olaf, a greedy distant relative, they soon learn he is trying to steal their fortune for himself.
Natalie, Dylan, and Alex, three glamorous, tough-as-nails, investigative agents - who work for the Charles Townsend Detective Agency - are sent undercover to retrieve two missing jewelry bands. These are no ordinary wedding rings. They contain valuable information that reveals the new identities of every person in the FBI’s Witness Protection Program. After five of the program’s participants turn up dead, only the Angels can stop the perpetrator, using their expertise as masters of disguise, espionage and martial arts.
1: There can be no triumph without loss. No victory without suffering. No freedom without sacrifice. 2: This Christmas the journey ends.
Plot Summary:
The War of the Ring reaches its climax as the dark lord Sauron sets his sights on Minas Tirith, the capital of Gondor. The members of the fellowship in Rohan are warned of the impending attack when Pippin cannot resist looking into Saruman’s palantir and is briefly contacted by the dark lord. King Theoden is too proud to send his men to help without being asked, so Gandalf and Pippin ride to Minas Tirith to see that this request is sent. They meet opposition there from Denethor, steward of the city and father of Faramir and the late Boromir. Denethor’s family has acted as temporary guardians of Gondor for centuries until a member of the true line of kings returns. This member is none other than Aragorn, who must overcome his own self-doubt before he can take on the role he was destined to fulfill. Meanwhile, Frodo and Sam continue to carry the One Ring towards Mordor, guided by Gollum. What they don’t know is that Gollum is leading them into a trap so that he can reclaim the Ring for himself. Though Sam suspects his deceit, Frodo is starting to be corrupted by the Ring’s power and the mistrust of Sam this causes is fully exploited by Gollum. The only way good can prevail in this contest is if the Ring is destroyed, an event that is becoming harder every minute for Frodo to achieve. The fate of every living creature in Middle Earth will be decided once and for all as the Quest of the Ringbearer reaches its climax.
A charismatic convict (Bruce Willis) and a hypochondriac inmate (Billy Bob Thornton) break out of prison in a cement truck and immediately start a bank robbing spree. Becoming known as the “Sleepover Bandits”, the two kidnap bank managers the night before their robbery, spend the night with their families, and then all go to the bank in the morning to get the dough. Using a dim-witted stunt man (Troy Garrity) as their getaway driver and lookout, the three successfully pull off several jobs that gets them recognition on a tv show about America’s criminals. When a bored housewife (Cate Blanchett) with a failing marriage decides to runaway, she ends up in the hands of the criminals. Initially attracted to Willis, she nonetheless also ends up in bed with Thornton and a confused romantic relationship begins. Continuing along with their spree, the bandits hit the wall when the bank managers realize that they are non-violent and therefore no threat to them or their employees. This leads to one more big score at the Alamo Bank, where in the very opening scenes, things appear to go awry.
1: The Classic Western Gets A Kick In The Pants. 2: The first kung-fu western ever 3: The old west meets the far east
Plot Summary:
A 19th century Western directed by Tom Dey, Shanghai Noon stars Jackie Chan as Chon Wang, a clumsy Imperial Guard to the Emperor of China. When Princess Pei Pei (Lucy Liu) is kidnapped from the Forbidden City, Wang feels personally responsible and insists on joining the guards sent to rescue the Princess, who has been whisked away to the United States. In Nevada and hot on the trail of the kidnappers, Wang is separated from the group and soon finds himself an unlikely partner with Roy O’Bannon (Owen Wilson), a small time robber with delusions of grandeur. Together, the two forge onto one misadventure after another.
After being imprisoned for six years on a grand theft auto charge, Rudy Duncan (Ben Affleck) and his cellmate Nick (James Frain) are finally going to be paroled. After hearing endless stories during his incarceration of Nick’s romantic correspondence to a woman named Ashley he has never met (Charlize Theron), Rudy is looking forward to returning to his family and having a fresh cup of hot chocolate. When Nick is killed during a prison riot, Rudy decides to assume Nick’s identity upon release from prison and meet up with the unknown woman. Burdened with a base knowledge of Nick’s Indian casino employment past, Rudy finds himself in too deep with Ashley’s brother Gabriel (Gary Sinise) and is violently forced to cooperate with a casino robbery that Gabriel and his gang have been planning with Nick in mind.
1: He’s Deep Undercover. 2: It ain’t over ’til the fat lady sings! 3: On June 2nd he’s deep undercover. 4: This FBI agent is going undercover… and he’s concealing more than a weapon.
Plot Summary:
FBI agent Malcolm Turner is known best for being a brilliant, master of disguise. Malcolm’s latest assignment sends him to small-town Georgia, where he’s assigned to trap a brutal bank robber (and a recent prison escapee) who they suspect will be coming down to visit his ex-girlfriend Sherry and her son. Malcolm sets up a stakeout across from the home of a larger-than-life southern matriarch known as Big Momma, who’s about to be visited by Sherry. It’s a simple plan, but there’s one big problem: Unbeknownst to Sherry, Big Momma has unexpectedly left town. So Malcolm, decides to impersonate the cantankerous Southern granny. Using a few tricks of disguise, he completely transforms himself into Big Momma, even taking on the corpulent septuagenarian’s everyday routine-from cooking soul food to delivering babies to “testifying” at the local church. In the mean time, Malcolm starts falling for Sherry, who may or may not be hiding some stolen cash. Now, Malcolm/Big Momma must somehow find a way to nab his criminal and the girl.
1: He’s a cop that’s not. 2: He’s A Cop That’s Not. Believe That! 3: The bad boy is back… in the hip, high voltage action comedy! 4: To cop the loot - he became one! 5: To cop the lot - he became one!
Plot Summary:
Miles Logan is a jewel thief. Things go awry while he’s stealing a huge diamond in downtown L.A.: a thief, Deacon, tries a double-cross, the police arrive, and Miles is arrested, but not before he hides the jewel in an air duct of a building under construction. Two years’ later, he’s out of prison and he heads for the site: it’s L.A.’s new police headquarters! Posing as a reassigned cop, Miles gets into the building, but before he can recover the swag, he’s partnered with a naive detective and sent out to investigate burglaries. With Deacon on his trail, he must recover the diamond, keep the cops fooled, and do a few good deeds as a detective who can think like a criminal.
